I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
