Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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