I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
