What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
