he shaved USA in his pubs
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
