Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
