the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
