If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm bleeding and have questions
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
