2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
