Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
