If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
