I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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