I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
