I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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