but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
