i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
