I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
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