I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
