Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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