Cold hands, warm shart.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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