3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
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