I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
