My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
