lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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