fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
