Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
