We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
