I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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