you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
