I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
