I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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