He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
