I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
