That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
