I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
