Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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