I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
