We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize