i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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