How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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