I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
