If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
