My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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