Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
