Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
