All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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