I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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