You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
