sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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