i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
