and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
