we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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