Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
