Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize