YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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