U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
