Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
