Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
