Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
