So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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