made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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