there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
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