After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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