; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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