I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
