He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
