Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize