The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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