Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
