I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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