By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
