Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wish you could order shots online.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
