At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
