First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
