who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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