So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
