i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
