Don't you send me to vm
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
