i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
