hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
